A “Boundaried” Life
On a beautiful March evening, I walked along the beach as the warm spring sun set in the distance. As I found solace in the gentle dance of the waves on the shore, I realized that the ocean, with its constant ebb and flow, knows its boundaries, seldom crossing them. When the waves do reach beyond their invisible line, it’s often a sign that the balance has been disrupted, perhaps by a storm beyond the horizon. In their rhythm, the waves tell a story of boundaries—one that I desperately needed to learn after many bitter years of self-abandonment and neglect, all for the sake of ministry.
Like many of us, my complicated relationship with boundaries began long before I was aware of it. A childhood spent feeling unchosen led to an adulthood marked by chronic people-pleasing and an inability to say no. Woven into my tapestry of brokenness was an authentic love for people and God. This mix of pain and passion led me to join a missionary organization at the age of 17, shaping the next nine years of my life. During that time, I traveled to nearly every state in the U.S., prepared for over ten foreign mission trips, visited juvenile detention centers, served in schools, fed those experiencing homelessness, provided disaster relief, and visited churches of all denominations. Service became my life. I sacrificed countless opportunities and precious time with my family, believing that my service honored God.
When my nine years of missionary work ended, I moved to a new area and immediately began serving in the church as a young adult leader. By then, service had become the only way I believed I could connect with God. What was meant to reflect the freedom of Christ became a prison. My giving was not healthy, and I eventually found myself disillusioned—burnt out, feeling used, dejected, and in pain. I developed crippling social anxiety, deep resentment, and frequently considered walking away from ministry altogether.
But like the waves that always return to the shore, God’s pursuit of me was relentless. Burnout, anxiety, and exhaustion led to much time spent in isolation, introspection, and prayer. In those sweet moments, God reordered my patterns of giving and instilled in me the value of a boundaried life. Here are some lessons He has revealed to me that have helped redefine my relationship with giving and ministry:
1. Evaluate Why You Give
Giving can sometimes become a way to control, seek connection, or gain acceptance. Often, we engage in giving because we have spent too long in the unresolved spaces of our own pain, unsure of how to address and heal the brokenness in our stories. In our struggle to express our need for healing, we may cope by becoming healers for others. We serve in the hope of being served; we give with the expectation of receiving something in return, or we use giving as a way to influence how others perceive and treat us. When our expectations aren’t met, we often feel anger or resentment.
When untainted by the distortions of the enemy, giving is a true reflection of the God in whose image we are made. He is the ultimate Giver, lavishing us with love and grace and speaking abundance over our lives. By evaluating why we give, we can ensure our actions stem from that place of abundance and love for God, rather than from a subtle and covert plea for wholeness in our own lives.
2. Conduct Regular Internal Audits
Ministry and service are not just things we do; they are extensions of who we are. Throughout His ministry, Christ often withdrew to connect with His Father. It's essential to regularly check in with yourself and with God. Are you where God wants you to be physically, emotionally, or spiritually? Are you with the people He has called you to be with? Are there habits or patterns in your life that are stunting your growth? Are you connected to people, spaces, or ideas that feed you lies about who you are? Do you view God in a safe and healthy way? No part of your life should be exempt from an audit—not your marriage, friendships, or ministry. Evaluate every aspect of your life to ensure it aligns with God’s heart towards you and purpose for you. If you find something that derails God’s desire for your well-being and health, make every effort to change or remove it.
3. Build a Healthy Ecosystem
In the context of your humanity, an ecosystem consists of the patterns, people, places, and positions that surround you. It’s essential to be intentional in building rhythms and habits that keep you centered in Christ and grounded in love. Spend intentional time with God—not in a generic way, but in a manner that is authentic and nourishing to your soul. Surround yourself with a supportive community that sees you as God does. Be mindful of what you
consume—physically, socially, and spiritually. We must be accountable for who and what we allow into our sphere of influence because everything we engage with affects our outlook on life, ourselves, others, and God. Building an ecosystem isn’t about controlling what happens to us but about taking responsibility for how we navigate those circumstances.
4. Learn to Say No
For everything you gain, you lose something, and for every yes, you are saying no to something else. One of the most critical questions I had to ask myself when considering new opportunities was, and at what cost? Before I learned to weigh the gravity and investment of my “yes,” I lived in a space where I felt valued simply because I was chosen for a task. My worth became tied to being selected, leading me to say yes to far more than I now believe God intended for me.
Setting boundaries was daunting, even impossible because I craved the validation that came with being chosen. To learn to say no, I first had to accept my inherent value in Christ. God gently revealed to me how desperately I had tried to earn love, how deeply I found my worth in being useful. He would whisper to my spirit, “Give from love, not for love.” As I embraced the truth of my identity in Christ and trusted in my security in Him, it became easier to
say no and to steward my time and energy wisely. Service was no longer a bargaining chip or a means to earn love; it emerged from my intimacy with Christ.
5. Embrace Identity-Based Giving
During His ministry, the disciples often tried to impose their ideas of who Christ should be. They wanted Him to be a king, a political leader, an earthly ruler, imagining themselves sitting at His right and left hand. But Christ knew exactly who He was—the Son of God. His purpose on earth was not to establish a temporary kingdom but to invite humanity into the kingdom of heaven. When others tried to box Him in, He stayed true to His identity and mission.
Identity-based giving is rooted in understanding your God-ordained design. When your identity is anchored in Christ, giving flow from a natural place. But if your relationship with God isn’t healthy, neither will your giving be. Put the utmost priority in maintaining your identity in Christ, because losing sight of that means losing everything.
6. Understand Ministry Is Not One-Size-Fits-All
One of the quickest paths to burnout in ministry is believing it must look the same for everyone. This perspective overlooks the unique gifts and passions God has given each of us. Growing up, I thought being a minister meant going overseas for feeding programs or evangelism. While there’s nothing wrong with that, I’ve come to understand that ministry for me looks different—organizing events, cooking, or creating thoughtful environments where people can connect authentically.
For years, I lived outside this alignment, preaching from stages and leading in ways that gradually depleted me. Like David, who was never meant to wear King Saul’s armor, I had to learn to embrace the truth of who God created me to be. If you’re feeling burnt out in ministry, consider whether you’re engaging in a way that truly reflects who you are or simply following what you’ve been told is the acceptable path.
Conclusion
As the resplendent colors of the setting sun painted the sky, and the night slowly crept in, the waves, the birds flapping in the breeze, and the world around me reminded me that there is wholeness and beauty in balance. A boundaried life is a healthy life, and a healthy life honors God; it honors the abundance He came to give us. Somewhere in our Christian journeys, many of us were improperly taught about one of the cornerstones of Christian living. Verses like “God loves a cheerful giver” or “It is better to give than to receive” were used to lay a faulty foundation for a damaging belief system, leading many of us to give in inappropriate ways.
Living a boundaried life honors God. It respects the gifts He has given you, the time He has allotted to you, and your limitations. A final question worth reflecting on is this: “If we cannot steward ourselves, our resources, our energy, and our humanity well, how can we be trusted stewards for others?”