E Isn’t for Everyone: Pinpointing Your Target Audience in the Writing Process
Imagine your life as a living book—each day an unfolding chapter steeped in joy, sorrow, uncertainty, and the intricate tapestry of human experience. Every moment serves as a brushstroke on the canvas of your identity, telling a story that only you can tell because it is uniquely yours. In August 2024, I self-published my first book, The Rules We Live By: Stories and Reflections on Unlearning Patriarchal Masculinity. Through this book, I examine the nature of masculinity and the lessons we are taught as children that carry into our adult lives. I share stories from my own life and challenge readers to unpack the cultural norms we have absorbed, encouraging acceptance of the parts of ourselves that may not fit within the traditional picture of the ideal masculine figure.
One of the greatest challenges in my writing process was figuring out what I actually wanted to say, to whom, and how.
Before you dive too far into your writing process, it’s crucial to know your audience. In the early stages of my journey, I dreamt of my book reaching people from various walks of life, each finding value and wisdom within its pages. In many ways, I wanted this book to be rated “E” for everyone (a great aspiration in theory!). However, the reality is that it’s impossible to connect with everyone. No matter how profound your ideas may be, some individuals simply won’t resonate with them.
The most important questions I asked myself before writing were: Who do I want to send a message to? What do I think they need to hear? How do they communicate? What challenges do they face, and how can I speak to those challenges? Framing my thoughts in this way helped me organize my ideas and the stories I wanted to tell, guiding me in how to tell them effectively.
When I received my editorial assessment from my editor, one of her main observations was that I was trying to write for two different audiences, resulting in tonal shifts that were more confusing than a cat in a dog park. "Oh, you're right..." I thought to myself, squinting at her 18-page assessment on Microsoft Word. These tonal shifts stemmed from my desire to reach everyone, which may have caused me to have a full-on Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana moment. On one hand, there was Destyn (Miley)—my authentic self, ready to share my story in an honest, vulnerable way. On the other hand, there was PK (Preacher’s Kid) (Hannah)—the part of me that wanted to keep certain aspects of myself hidden away from judgment and shame.
These two versions of me communicated differently because they were writing for entirely distinct audiences—think of it as trying to mix oil and water, but with more melodrama.
Thankfully, with the ongoing support of my editor, I learned to merge these voices—staying true to myself and my faith while embracing my lived experiences and genuine thoughts.
One unique aspect of my book is that each chapter includes a devotional. When I considered my main audience, I envisioned individuals who are deconstructing their beliefs—religion being one of the significant ones on the chopping block. Let’s face it—beliefs about masculinity and femininity often originate from various sources, with the church being one of the leading contenders. I wanted to explore how an ancient society grappled with questions about the roles of men and women, while also highlighting that Jesus was a master at breaking the cultural rules of his time. He didn’t break those rules to stand out or be different; he dismantled them to show us a better way to approach life.
To clarify my intentions in the book, I stressed in the introduction that this is not a "Christian book,” meaning I’m not here to hand out spiritual advice like it’s candy on Halloween. Instead, I’m using the Bible and its stories as tools to explore the nature of manhood and masculinity. When my editor read the introduction, she pointed out that this nuanced perspective wasn’t adequately reflected in the devotional sections. Here comes the “Miley/Hannah moment”—the struggle of deciding whether to rock out on stage or slide back into a cozy wig and country tunes.
If I was going to include devotionals without labeling the book as strictly “Christian,” I had to consider how guided prayers would resonate with non-Christian readers. After some reflection (and perhaps a bit too much staring at my computer screen), I decided to remove the guided prayer sections. I know some might roll their eyes in disbelief that a Christian would remove prayer from a book, but here's the thing: writing a book is all about intentionality.
It’s about being intentional with your message so it resonates with the right audience and how you communicate it. Sometimes, that means letting go of what you thought needed to be included for the sake of clarity and connection. So, with a deep breath, I waved goodbye to the guided prayers and embraced the direction the book was meant to take.
Earlier, I invited you to imagine your life as a living book. I did this because one of the most important lessons I learned during my writing process is that it’s impossible to capture the entirety of your life and thoughts in a single book. Each book tells one story and conveys one main message. You don’t have to lay out every single tale or lesson all at once—you can save those for future books!
Similarly, in this blog, I find myself wanting to share every detail about what writing a book has taught me. However, if I tried to do that, you’d likely get lost in the weeds somewhere along the way. Instead, I’ve chosen to focus on the audience. Understanding your audience plays a pivotal role in transforming your message into a tangible book that someone can hold in their hands.
Your audience acts as the lens through which you view your content; they shape how you craft your narrative, what stories you choose to share, and which messages resonate most. Knowing who you’re writing for can guide your tone, language, and even the themes you explore. It’s not just about getting your thoughts onto the page; it’s about doing so in a way that connects with those who will read it.
Ultimately, it’s about inviting readers into a conversation—one that sparks reflection, challenges perspectives, and resonates on a deeper level.
And that, my friends, is a journey worth taking.